Earth Did Not Fall; It Developed a Crack and Became Everyone’s Personality
PUBLISHED WORKS • COMING SOON Earth Has Been Moved to Archive Storage is coming soon, because HelioPress has decided that the loss of a habitable world requires publicity, as though the event suffered from insufficient attention the first time. The title has already caused trouble. People keep asking where Earth was moved to. It was…
Oklahoma Won the World, Then Needed a Canal for the Navy
PUBLISHED WORKS • COMING SOON The Underpinnings of the People’s Republic of Oklahoma’s Hegemony is coming soon. This is not a threat, although the distinction became unreliable during production. The short account is that Oklahoma won the Third World War, won the Fourth World War, became the organising power of what remained, standardised a language,…
Five People, One Price, and the Cowards Who Called Nine Per Cent Encouraging
PUBLISHED WORKS • COMING SOON Nine Per Cent Was Considered Encouraging is coming soon, which is an indecent thing to say about a book containing a survival market, but HelioPress requires the phrase and has placed it in the schedule twice. The book concerns the first crewed attempt on Mars. Five people left Earth aboard…
WordPress Proves Yellowstone Was Not Thorough Enough
At 08:41 on Thursday, HelioPress® asked me to place a new header banner on the public site. The banner was complete: a dark iron plaque, four screws and RUPERT’S UNIVERSE™ in brass. There were no moving elements, disputed dates or dead people whose consent required reconstruction. It was a rectangle with my name on it….
Reproduced from HelioPress® editorial correspondence.
HelioPress® declined permission and then attempted to invoice the Archive for the refusal. FROM: HelioPress® EditorialTO: Rupert™ C. Fenwick, Intake 7-BRE: Expansion of the Earthfall archive Rupert— We’re commissioning an expansion of the Earthfall archive. Reader requests have increased again. Schools are working from extracts. Public-record offices are citing your summaries without the conditions attached….
RE: Your Author Biography Is Apparently “Hostile”
FROM: HelioPress® EditorialTO: Rupert™SUBJECT: Site icon — one more time Rupert, We are not suggesting a monogram because anybody here loves monograms. We are suggesting one because a site icon is thirty-two pixels wide, and thirty-two pixels will not comfortably hold Earth, Ceres, a moral objection and whatever Britain has done to your vowels this…
The Last Rupert™ Died on Tuesday. I Had Been Waiting Sixteen Years.
The last Rupert™ died on a Tuesday. I had been waiting sixteen years. I did not kill him. This ought not require stating, but it has been the first question on three occasions, most recently at breakfast. Tove asked it with the concentration she usually reserves for facts adults have made suspicious. She already understood…
Britain Is Unreachable. My Vowels Have Been Asked to Return Without Me.
At 09:12 on Tuesday, the HelioPress public-access system informed me that I did not sound like myself. This was not wholly surprising. There are mornings when I do not sound like anyone who ought to be left in charge of a kettle. The system, however, was not expressing concern. It had completed a routine preparation…
